My dad passed away on July 3, 2015. This year, to honor his
memory, I decided to wash the car. Strange you might say...but I have many
childhood memories of washing the car with my dad. Although my dad had many laudable
traits, patience was not one of them. Washing the car usually resulted in one
or more of my brothers and me getting yelled at for some odd reason or another.
I set out to break the cycle.
My six year-old was eager to wash the car and be a good helper. As we gathered
up the materials and headed out to the driveway, I made a pact with myself that
I would not yell. I would not get irritated. I would not get mad.
Washing the car ensued. David,
always wanting to be the good helper, asked if he could give the car a
pre-wash. I let him. He didn't see me bending down in the front of the car to
scrub off the bugs.
I was soaked. But I had not
failed at my mission (yet).
We continued to work together.
As we were about halfway done with the car, it all started to make sense to me.
If I clearly explained my expectations, and if I showed him how I would like
the task to be completed, my irritation completely subsided. Those times that
he set off on his own without clear direction, I found myself fighting
irritation.
David was promised a popsicle
for helping. As he was in the house devouring it, I had some quiet time alone
with my thoughts. What a great lesson in leadership. Clearly, methodically,
intentionally explain your expectations. As leaders, how many times do we do
this, assume our people know our thoughts and expectations? I know for me, I
continually operate in a presumptive mindset. I assume those around me know my
thoughts and my expectations. And, often, when these expectations are not met,
I well up with irritation. Yet, the irritation should and will reside with me.
As leaders, we must continually
communicate our expectations. Begin with the end in mind; what needs to be
communicated? How are you going to communicate? Where are the blind spots in
your communication? How will you assess if you have effectively communicated?
The leadership lesson I took
away from the car wash was not earth shattering. In fact, one friend I shared
this nugget of wisdom with said, "No duh. That's leadership 101."
While I do not argue with this statement, there are leadership lessons all
around us. We need to be intentional and reflective in our thinking to grasp
them. And, most importantly, to to take these learned lessons and implement
them.
As you take time to reflect,
what might be some dysfunctional family cycles you need to break? As you
pinpoint those irritation moments in your life, is it a result of your failed
communication plan? What areas of your leadership communication need to
improve? As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, To Thine Own self
Be True.
